Well, for starters, can I just say I'm ready for a few days away from the insanity known as my life? I am very much looking forward to this trip to San Antonio, for multiple reasons. One, I want to get away from school for a few days. I know, I just had a 3 day weekend (thanks to the "snow day") but my day at school today reminded me how much work I have to do this semester. I hate Mondays with a burning passion, and today was no exception. So, I'm looking forward to 4 days with no homework. Also, I'm looking forward to just being somewhere different, somewhere new. I desperately need a change of scenery. San Antonio is such a beautiful city, especially the Riverwalk. It's beautiful at night; all lit up, the water reflecting the lights. It's breath-taking. And I have another reason. I'm also looking forward to getting to spend some time with Nathan, because ever since the "incident" last year, our friendship has made a slow but steady renewal, which I am happy about. Nathan is a good friend; he cares about me, he's always looking out for me and wants me to be happy. I couldn't ask for a better guyfriend.
And... that's my problem. Suddenly, it seems that some of my guyfriends have started taking an "interest" in me, and it's REALLY weird. Flattering, yes, but also WEIRD. And I love how they all seem to have the "best" timing; right smack dab in the middle of a super-busy Spring semester of my Sophomore year in college... yeah, brilliant timing. And, also, on top of that I just came off another break-up almost 2 months ago, so my feelings and emotions and everything are all very jumbled, tangled and discombobulated right now. Part of me has hesitated about dating again because, honestly, I'm tired of all the BS that comes with relationships, all the drama (of course, I pity the poor guys who have dated me. I am the embodiment of drama and it follows me everywhere. Those poor, unfortunate souls.)
I wish I could say my life is going great, but I can't because that would be lying. And I can't say that it's going bad, because it could always be a hell of a lot worse, I know. But... it seems to me that the more people I become friends with, and the more people I know, the more I feel isolated and alone. The more I'm around other people, the more I have to fake my happiness. The more friends I get, the more I find myself giving advice, and the more I give advice to my friends, the more I feel the need to push aside my own feelings and help those around me. I've been trying lately to keep my mouth shut when people ask how I'm doing. I mean, sure, I answer; I say, "Fine" or "Good, and how are you?" but I don't dare open my mouth and say everything that I've been going through. I feel like I annoy people when I tell them what's on my mind; I feel like a burden to my friends, because it seems like SOMETHING is always going on with me (hence why I am the embodiment of drama.)
I can't wait for tomorrow. We're leaving for San Antonio around 11:45 in the morning, which means I'll be missing Piano class, and part of Music Lit. Thursday I'll miss Ballet and Friday I'll be missing Math, Ear Training, Theory and Music Lit. I've already informed my ballet teacher that I won't be in class on Thursday, and I'm going to tell my math teacher tomorrow that I won't be in class on Friday (I sent both of them an email about it too, just to make sure I cover all my bases and they can't say that I didn't tell them that I wouldn't be in class those days.)
Well, I've got to go pack now (yeah, I haven't even started my packing, hahaha.) Well, until next time, my dear readers. Ciao!
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