Mettere il passato alle spalle

Well, I must say life certainly is a lot better now that I've decided to put the past behind me. Strange how it's taken me six months to finally decide to truly move on with my life, but then again, it's not really strange. I've discovered something about myself through all of this: I can, do and will hold a grudge against someone for a very long time. I shouldn't, I know, but... you've been there. I'm sure you've been through something so heartbreaking, painful and hurtful that you felt that you had every right to be upset, angry and bitter about the situation... and bitter and angry toward the person who hurt you, too.

But now... now, it just feels like a HUGE weight has been lifted off of me. I feel free, and as I look back on everything that happened to me last year and the beginning of this year, I can look back at the memories... and smile, something I never thought I would do. Sure, there's still some pain and sadness in those memories, and there probably always will be. But, I don't have any regrets. Not anymore. I had a few, but looking back on everything now, I can see that all of it was just lessons learned. Some of them were hard lessons to learn, and some of them have changed my life, but I have no regrets. I want to live my life with as few regrets as possible, and so far I'm doing a pretty good job.

It's funny, really; it took me six months and a song by Avril Lavigne to make me realize,"The past is OVER, stop being bitter and angry. Screw the past, get back up again and live your life the way you think you should, because no one else is going to live it for you! And when life throws something new at you, or when a new guy comes along, just shrug, say "What the hell?" and go for it!" I'm sure that sounds really reckless, but hey, I'm tired of sitting on the sidelines and letting everyone else have all the fun. It's time I grow a spine and take chances once in a while.

I'm actually talking to Mark again, and this time I'm being sincere. I plan on renewing my friendships with Travis and Nathan as well. All I want is for us all to be friends again; I want life to go back to the way it was before any of this stuff ruined our friendships. And I want to be happy again; really, truly happy again. For the last six months I've been bitter and angry and hurt. It's made me miserable and it definitely hasn't helped my spiritual life (that's still under construction right now. It might take a while to get back on track with that again) but, I'm sure that with time, that will be rebuilt and renewed as well.

Well, it's late, and I've got to get up for school in a couple hours. Until next time, my dear readers :-) good night.

What The Hell

Hellz yeah! :-D Love this song! My new theme song, hahaha, because I've discovered something. Does it really matter what happened? Does it? HELL NO!!! That's in the past! And you know what I say? SCREW THE PAST! I'm done being angry, bitter and I just want to go back to being happy. But this time, I'm gonna be a little bit wiser when it comes to relationships. And so, my dear readers, I have only this to say: What the hell? :-P

Forse

Song by Kelly Clarkson. I really wish people would stop asking me if I'm okay. No, I'm not okay, but I don't want to say because then the next question is always, "What's wrong?" How do I explain? How am I supposed to explain everything that I'm feeling? I can't, because every time I try to explain to people how I feel, they either tell me, "You'll be okay" or even worse "Just stop thinking about it." That is impossible. I can't stop thinking about it. I just want someone to understand. But no one does.

Senza Di Te

This is a song from the musical 'Rent' and it pretty much describes my life right now. enjoy.

Without You

Verse 1:
Without you, the ground thaws, 
The rain falls, the grass grows.
Without you, the seeds root, the flowers bloom, 
The children play. 
The stars gleam, the poets dream, the eagles fly
Without you. 
The earth turns, the sun burns, but I die 
Without you. 


Verse 2:
Without you, the breeze warms, the girl smiles, 
The cloud moves.
Without you, the tides change, the boys run, 
The oceans crash.
The crowds roar, the days soar, the babies cry
Without you, 
The moon glows, the river flows, but I die
Without you. 


Bridge:
The world revives, colors renew, but I know blue.
Only blue.
Lonely blue. 
Within me blue. 
Without you. 


Verse 4:
Without you, the hand gropes, the ear hears, 
The pulse beats.
Without you, the eyes gaze, the legs walk, 
The lungs breath.
The mind churns, the heart yearns, the tears dry
Without you.
Life goes on, but I'm gone, 'cause I die
Without you.

Without you
Without you
Without you.

Sentimenti

What do you do when you think you're completely
Over
Someone;
When you think that your
Feelings
For that someone no longer exist...
And then, in only a moment
You discover that maybe,
Just maybe,
Those feelings that you thought were gone are
Still there.


What do you do when, in that moment,
You know that those feelings that are supposed to be
Gone
Come rising back up to the surface and they are as 
Strong
As ever?
What do you do when, in that same moment, 
You can't help but want to be with that person
Again?
In that moment, you remember everything you tried to
Forget:
The phone calls late at night,
The happiness of just being together, 
The laughs,
The tears,
The deep, intimate conversations,
The romantic nights, 
The fun-filled days, 
The sweet things said...
Everything that you tired so hard to
Forget
Comes flooding back with great intensity. 

What do you do when, in that moment, 
All you want to do is take that person in your
Arms,
Hold them and never let them go?
Even if you know that you can never be with them
Again,
Even if you know your relationship with this 
Person 
Can never be again... 
Still...
You want to hold them close to you. 

You want to, for a moment, pretend that 
Nothing 
Has changed;
That you never had to say "Good-bye" to this
Person,
That your bond with this person was never
Severed, 
That the pain you now feel is just a bad
Dream
And that soon you will wake up, and that person will 
Still
Be there. 


So... the question still remains:
What do you do? 
I'll tell you what you do.


Nothing.
You do nothing.
Why? 
Because you don't want to get hurt again, 
That's why. 
You don't want to feel the pain of a
Broken heart
Again. 
And you're scared.
Scared that this person won't want you
Back
Again. 
Scared that this person doesn't feel the same way for you
Anymore. 
So you say nothing, 
You do nothing. 
You keep it to yourself, because you don't want to be hurt
Again. 


What do you do when you still want that special
Someone... 
But they don't want you anymore?

New Blog :)

Yay, new blog! Do you like it? I decided to make my own background using the Advanced Background Template Designer on Blogger, and I must say I am quite pleased with my work. When it comes to art-type things (designing, drawing, etc) I lack creativity. Art is not one of my gifts. But, I like this new blog :) and if you're wondering, "Uh... what the heck is up with the weird title?" Well, some of you probably can figure it out, but it's Italian and it means "Life, Love and Music" because... well, that's kind of what are the three things I tend to talk about the most, whether negatively or positively.

 Well, let me see... not much has been going on with me lately. I got a big part in "Zaney Muldaney" :) I get to be a jester named Max, one of two jesters who are narrators for the show, and we have a lot of lines and are in every scene. We just had our Round Table Reading on Sunday, and this Thursday is our first rehearsal. Oh, and I'm getting ready for auditions for my church's Easter production "A Place Called Hope", and then of course there is school. It's the second week of the Spring semester, and so far it's been okay. Nothing too weird has happened... okay, never mind, I take that back, but let's not go there, shall we? Not yet, at least. Not going to lie, I'm starting to kind of like being single. Getting homework done has been a lot easier lately, so I'm hoping that my grades and overall academic work won't be as bad as it was last semester.

But aside from all of that, nothing much else has changed. I must admit, however, that I'm starting to get a little worried about how in the world I'm going to do "Zaney"; I've got so many lines, and it's such a big part, and on top of memorizing all those lines I'll have to memorize all of my voice lesson songs, and I have to write 3 concert reviews for Music Lit class (how the hell I'm going to find time to go see any concerts is beyond me, but I guess I'll just have to find a way.) But, I suppose this is what I get for wanting to be in shows AND be a music major in college, hahaha. I'm sure that once I get more of a routine set for how I will do all of my studying and homework that it won't be as stressful and daunting as it does right now.

Well, I should go to bed. I need to start going to bed early so I don't get completely run-down and can stay awake during classes, hahaha. Until next time, my dear readers.