This music is absolutely beautiful, and this girl is such a gifted musician. Yes, it's in Japanese, but I don't care. The music is haunting, beautiful and dark. I love it.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Love The Way You Lie
Been listening to this song a lot lately. Maybe it's because Eminem is such a great rapper. Maybe it's because I love Rihanna. Or... maybe it's because it's how I've been feeling lately. It's funny; you can be on top of the world one moment, but then you come crashing back down to reality... and the fall is fast, hard and it hurts like hell. And yet... you can't help but go back for more, and more and more, even though you know you're only going to get hurt in the end. Ah yes, I believe that would be the definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results. So, it would appear to be that I really am insane. I keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result, a different outcome. These are my favorite lyrics of this song:
"Just gonna stand there and watch me burn, but that's alright because I like the way it hurts. Just gonna stand there and hear me cry, but that's alright because I love the way you lie. I love the way you lie."
Maybe I like being lied to. It sure seems that way lately. My friend, Hannah, asked me the other day, "Erin, what are you getting yourself into, girl?" to which I replied, "Whatever the hell I want to get myself into." It's sad to think that this is who I've become; the girl who doesn't care what she gets herself into, as long as she gets what she wants. These past couple weeks, my world seems to be spiraling out of control; dad has no job, mom is working full time but it's still not enough, I'm trying to work as much as I can but it never seems to help. Work is driving me crazy, and babysitting Caleb is making me tense, on edge and unable to relax. Opera rehearsals are intense, long and often discouraging. So, when you find that one thing that makes you happy, that one thing that makes you forget about your problems, even if just for an hour, you don't want to give it up. In fact, the more chaotic my life gets, the more I cling to this one thing. Because it's the only thing I have that makes me feel secure and safe. I know that's selfish, but I think it's okay to be selfish once in a while. Still, the one thing I cling to is hurting me. I'm sticking my hand in the fire, over and over again... and I like it.
You really are just standing there and watching me burn, but I do like the way it hurts. You really are just standing there, hearing me cry, but I do love the way you lie. I do. Those pretty little lies...
"Just gonna stand there and watch me burn, but that's alright because I like the way it hurts. Just gonna stand there and hear me cry, but that's alright because I love the way you lie. I love the way you lie."
Maybe I like being lied to. It sure seems that way lately. My friend, Hannah, asked me the other day, "Erin, what are you getting yourself into, girl?" to which I replied, "Whatever the hell I want to get myself into." It's sad to think that this is who I've become; the girl who doesn't care what she gets herself into, as long as she gets what she wants. These past couple weeks, my world seems to be spiraling out of control; dad has no job, mom is working full time but it's still not enough, I'm trying to work as much as I can but it never seems to help. Work is driving me crazy, and babysitting Caleb is making me tense, on edge and unable to relax. Opera rehearsals are intense, long and often discouraging. So, when you find that one thing that makes you happy, that one thing that makes you forget about your problems, even if just for an hour, you don't want to give it up. In fact, the more chaotic my life gets, the more I cling to this one thing. Because it's the only thing I have that makes me feel secure and safe. I know that's selfish, but I think it's okay to be selfish once in a while. Still, the one thing I cling to is hurting me. I'm sticking my hand in the fire, over and over again... and I like it.
You really are just standing there and watching me burn, but I do like the way it hurts. You really are just standing there, hearing me cry, but I do love the way you lie. I do. Those pretty little lies...
Friday, June 24, 2011
More Randomness: Fun with Song Titles
Sorry, I'm EXTREMELY bored today, so I'm writing/posting a lot. Please forgive me :-P hahaha! Anyway, this is just a little random thing I like to do sometimes, when the inspiration strikes me. I like to take song titles and put them in sentences. Weird, yes, but fun and also very challenging sometimes. This one I did today was hard, it really made me think. Also, I'm posting the songs so you can listen to them if you so choose :-)
So, it's a definite possibility that I have fallen hard for you. You tell me "I'm only gonna Break Your Heart" but I can't help myself because Your Love Is My Drug, and I Need You Now. I wish this could be a Love Story, I wish that you could see You Belong With Me, but I'm about to Fall to Pieces, knowing you will never be My Man.
"Break Your Heart" by Taio Cruz
"Your Love Is My Drug" by Kesha
"Need You Now" by Lady Antebellum
"Love Story" by Taylor Swift
"You Belong With Me" by Taylor Swift
"Fall To Pieces" by Avril Lavigne
"My Man" by Barbra Streisand
So, it's a definite possibility that I have fallen hard for you. You tell me "I'm only gonna Break Your Heart" but I can't help myself because Your Love Is My Drug, and I Need You Now. I wish this could be a Love Story, I wish that you could see You Belong With Me, but I'm about to Fall to Pieces, knowing you will never be My Man.
"Break Your Heart" by Taio Cruz
"Your Love Is My Drug" by Kesha
"Need You Now" by Lady Antebellum
"Love Story" by Taylor Swift
"You Belong With Me" by Taylor Swift
"Fall To Pieces" by Avril Lavigne
"My Man" by Barbra Streisand
Ramblings of the Crazed Mind
Life is funny. No seriously, it is. More often than not it's only funny to someone else who enjoys watching other people suffer, but yeah, life is funny. And, more often than that, life is very much ironic. Also, it always has a way of surprising you, for better or for worse. See, there comes a point in a person's life where everything that they had planned on doing, or becoming, when they were children and teenagers suddenly takes a complete turn around.
For instance, let's take little Billy. He had always dreamed of being a superhero when he was a boy. He grew up watching Superman, Batman, Spiderman, all the great superheros, and he even dressed up as his favorite heros and played all day long with his action figures. But then, he begins to grow up and soon realizes that superheros aren't real. They're just actors who pretend to be superheros. When that dream has died, Billy decides he wants to be... oh, let's say a firefighter. But then, one day, Billy's house catches on fire, and from that day on, Billy is terrified of fire and no longer wants to be a firefighter, for fear of being burned alive. With another dream dead, Billy is now a teenager and decides that he wants to be a scientist. But, his high school grades in science and math classes are horrible, and his teachers and his parents all tell him that he will never get into a college and study science with grades like that. So, once again, his dream dies. But wait, now little Billy is a grown man.
What will he do now? He finally decided to study English, and is now a high school English teacher. Sure, he makes a decent living; enough to pay the bills and live semi-comfortably. But, is Billy happy? Is he? No. No he is not. Because becoming an English teacher was never in his dreams. He never would have predicted that he'd end up at this point in his life, stuck in a career he has no passion for. But, all of Billy's dreams from childhood have died. He has no more dreams, or if he does, he doesn't share them with anyone for fear of being judged... and fear that those dreams too, will die. Just like all the others. So, he stays in his job, and lives the rest of his life without ever pursing any of his dreams.
Now, let's take another example. Little Sarah. Ah yes, precious little Sarah. Her dream is to become a world famous ballerina. She just loves to dance, with her tutu, her little leotard and cute ballet slippers. But, the more lessons she takes, the more she becomes discouraged; all the other little girls are so much better than her, so much more advanced. She comes to a point where she is so discouraged in her own ability to dance that she gives up entirely. Her dream is dead. Now, another dream of Sarah's is to become a world famous painter. She loves to paint. All the pretty colors, she just loves to let her imagination run free. But... when her parents start to give her art lessons, her teacher discourages Sarah's creativity. "No, Sarah, you cannot paint the horse pink! Horses are not pink, Sarah! No, Sarah, you cannot paint the sky green! The sky is blue, Sarah, BLUE! Not GREEN! Get it right!" And so, Sarah stops taking the art lessons. Another dream, dead.
Now, Sarah is a teenager and her new dream is to become a nurse. But, one day while Sarah is driving around town, she comes across a horrible car accident. The sight of the mangled cars gives her a sick feeling in her stomach, and when she sees a body being zipped into a body bag, she almost passes out. But worst of all, there's blood on the road, a sight that makes her gag and drive away as fast as she can. This sight will haunt her for the rest of her life, and so now, with this new fear of death and blood, Sarah will not be becoming a nurse any time soon. So, this dream dies a slow death.
Sarah is now an adult, and is working at as a secretary at a big fashion design studio. Sure, the pay is good and she gets the chance to do what most girls dream of, being surrounded all day by the latest fashions and top models. But, is Sarah happy? No. Not in the least. This was never her dream, it was never even an option. But, what can she do? All her other dreams died with her childhood. She would love to fulfill her dreams, but is too afraid of being ridiculed by her family and friends. And so, Sarah stays at her job, every day dying a little on the inside.
Life is funny, isn't it?
Sorry, but I've had these thoughts kind of rolling around in my head since Thursday. Got a couple other blog posts I'm thinking about/working on (damn... I've been writing A LOT of these things lately... oh well, it gives me something to do besides babysit and go to rehearsal. Not that I don't like rehearsal, but I always look forward to the weekend where I can sleep in and not have to get up at 7 in the morning.) Anyway, until next time, my dear readers. Ciao!
For instance, let's take little Billy. He had always dreamed of being a superhero when he was a boy. He grew up watching Superman, Batman, Spiderman, all the great superheros, and he even dressed up as his favorite heros and played all day long with his action figures. But then, he begins to grow up and soon realizes that superheros aren't real. They're just actors who pretend to be superheros. When that dream has died, Billy decides he wants to be... oh, let's say a firefighter. But then, one day, Billy's house catches on fire, and from that day on, Billy is terrified of fire and no longer wants to be a firefighter, for fear of being burned alive. With another dream dead, Billy is now a teenager and decides that he wants to be a scientist. But, his high school grades in science and math classes are horrible, and his teachers and his parents all tell him that he will never get into a college and study science with grades like that. So, once again, his dream dies. But wait, now little Billy is a grown man.
What will he do now? He finally decided to study English, and is now a high school English teacher. Sure, he makes a decent living; enough to pay the bills and live semi-comfortably. But, is Billy happy? Is he? No. No he is not. Because becoming an English teacher was never in his dreams. He never would have predicted that he'd end up at this point in his life, stuck in a career he has no passion for. But, all of Billy's dreams from childhood have died. He has no more dreams, or if he does, he doesn't share them with anyone for fear of being judged... and fear that those dreams too, will die. Just like all the others. So, he stays in his job, and lives the rest of his life without ever pursing any of his dreams.
Now, let's take another example. Little Sarah. Ah yes, precious little Sarah. Her dream is to become a world famous ballerina. She just loves to dance, with her tutu, her little leotard and cute ballet slippers. But, the more lessons she takes, the more she becomes discouraged; all the other little girls are so much better than her, so much more advanced. She comes to a point where she is so discouraged in her own ability to dance that she gives up entirely. Her dream is dead. Now, another dream of Sarah's is to become a world famous painter. She loves to paint. All the pretty colors, she just loves to let her imagination run free. But... when her parents start to give her art lessons, her teacher discourages Sarah's creativity. "No, Sarah, you cannot paint the horse pink! Horses are not pink, Sarah! No, Sarah, you cannot paint the sky green! The sky is blue, Sarah, BLUE! Not GREEN! Get it right!" And so, Sarah stops taking the art lessons. Another dream, dead.
Now, Sarah is a teenager and her new dream is to become a nurse. But, one day while Sarah is driving around town, she comes across a horrible car accident. The sight of the mangled cars gives her a sick feeling in her stomach, and when she sees a body being zipped into a body bag, she almost passes out. But worst of all, there's blood on the road, a sight that makes her gag and drive away as fast as she can. This sight will haunt her for the rest of her life, and so now, with this new fear of death and blood, Sarah will not be becoming a nurse any time soon. So, this dream dies a slow death.
Sarah is now an adult, and is working at as a secretary at a big fashion design studio. Sure, the pay is good and she gets the chance to do what most girls dream of, being surrounded all day by the latest fashions and top models. But, is Sarah happy? No. Not in the least. This was never her dream, it was never even an option. But, what can she do? All her other dreams died with her childhood. She would love to fulfill her dreams, but is too afraid of being ridiculed by her family and friends. And so, Sarah stays at her job, every day dying a little on the inside.
Life is funny, isn't it?
Sorry, but I've had these thoughts kind of rolling around in my head since Thursday. Got a couple other blog posts I'm thinking about/working on (damn... I've been writing A LOT of these things lately... oh well, it gives me something to do besides babysit and go to rehearsal. Not that I don't like rehearsal, but I always look forward to the weekend where I can sleep in and not have to get up at 7 in the morning.) Anyway, until next time, my dear readers. Ciao!
Questions and Letters
Just some questions and some letters. Random, yes, but it's my blog and I'll do whatever the hell I want with it :-P
First, some questions I have:
Why is it that every time you're in a hurry to get somewhere, you ALWAYS end up behind the ONE PERSON who wants to do exactly the speed limit or lower?
Why is it that every time you're having a good dream or you're finally getting some decent sleep for once, your alarm clock decides that it's time for you to get up?
And why is it that when you're having that amazing dream and you try to go back to sleep, you can't start the dream up again?
Why is it that you never seem to have enough money?
Why is it that you never seem to have enough sleep?
And why is it that when you've slept for an entire 12 hours straight, you STILL feel exhausted?
Why does it always seem to rain JUST AFTER you've washed the car the day before?
Why is it that when you turn on the radio during the afternoon, you hear more commercials for dumb s*** than you hear ACTUAL music, but at night, you hear more music than commercials, but they play all the songs you DON'T KNOW so you can't sing along with them?
Why is it that we reject those who love us and love those who reject us?
Why is it that us girls will gladly give our hearts away to a guy who doesn't want it, but lock our hearts up from the guy who DOES want it?
Why is it that you never get the guy you ACTUALLY want?
Why is it that there are NO GOOD MEN left in the world?
"Where have all the good men gone and where are all the gods? Where's the street-wise Hercules to fight the rising odds? Isn't there a White Knight upon a fiery steed...?" (lyrics from "Holding Out For A Hero", originally sung by Bonnie Tyler)
And now, some letters:
Dear America,
Since you released the horror that is Miley Cyrus, we have decided to retaliate. Its name is Justin Bieber, and no one will be spared.
Sincerely, Canada.
Dear Canada,
Since the release of the Justin Bieber, we have come upon a much more evil weapon for our retaliation. Its called the Rebecca Black. Now no one is safe.
Sincerely, America.
Dear Abercrombie & Fitch,
Oh, I thought you were selling shirtless men...
Sincerely, misled.
Dear player,
We made so much sweet music last night that my g-string broke.
Sincerely, your violin.
Dear Life,
Thanks for the lemons, I made grape juice.
Sincerely, Chuck Norris.
Dear Perfect Boyfriend,
Welcome to the club.
Sincerely, Santa Clause, Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy.
Dear Abercrombie,
$100 for your jeans... How much for the guy wearing them?
Sincerely,
I'd buy that,
Dear Jellyfish,
I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy.
Sincerely,
Dory.
Dear Cupid,
Okay, so you've hit me pretty hard... now what about him?
Sincerely,
Me.
Dear Love,
Please stop screwing me over. When you're ready for me, let me know. Until then...
F*** YOU!!!
Sincerely,
Me.
Dear Life,
You suck. Simple as that.
Sincerely,
Me.
First, some questions I have:
Why is it that every time you're in a hurry to get somewhere, you ALWAYS end up behind the ONE PERSON who wants to do exactly the speed limit or lower?
Why is it that every time you're having a good dream or you're finally getting some decent sleep for once, your alarm clock decides that it's time for you to get up?
And why is it that when you're having that amazing dream and you try to go back to sleep, you can't start the dream up again?
Why is it that you never seem to have enough money?
Why is it that you never seem to have enough sleep?
And why is it that when you've slept for an entire 12 hours straight, you STILL feel exhausted?
Why does it always seem to rain JUST AFTER you've washed the car the day before?
Why is it that when you turn on the radio during the afternoon, you hear more commercials for dumb s*** than you hear ACTUAL music, but at night, you hear more music than commercials, but they play all the songs you DON'T KNOW so you can't sing along with them?
Why is it that we reject those who love us and love those who reject us?
Why is it that us girls will gladly give our hearts away to a guy who doesn't want it, but lock our hearts up from the guy who DOES want it?
Why is it that you never get the guy you ACTUALLY want?
Why is it that there are NO GOOD MEN left in the world?
"Where have all the good men gone and where are all the gods? Where's the street-wise Hercules to fight the rising odds? Isn't there a White Knight upon a fiery steed...?" (lyrics from "Holding Out For A Hero", originally sung by Bonnie Tyler)
And now, some letters:
Dear America,
Since you released the horror that is Miley Cyrus, we have decided to retaliate. Its name is Justin Bieber, and no one will be spared.
Sincerely, Canada.
Dear Canada,
Since the release of the Justin Bieber, we have come upon a much more evil weapon for our retaliation. Its called the Rebecca Black. Now no one is safe.
Sincerely, America.
Dear Abercrombie & Fitch,
Oh, I thought you were selling shirtless men...
Sincerely, misled.
Dear player,
We made so much sweet music last night that my g-string broke.
Sincerely, your violin.
Dear Life,
Thanks for the lemons, I made grape juice.
Sincerely, Chuck Norris.
Dear Perfect Boyfriend,
Welcome to the club.
Sincerely, Santa Clause, Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy.
Dear Abercrombie,
$100 for your jeans... How much for the guy wearing them?
Sincerely,
I'd buy that,
Dear Jellyfish,
I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy.
Sincerely,
Dory.
Dear Cupid,
Okay, so you've hit me pretty hard... now what about him?
Sincerely,
Me.
Dear Love,
Please stop screwing me over. When you're ready for me, let me know. Until then...
F*** YOU!!!
Sincerely,
Me.
Dear Life,
You suck. Simple as that.
Sincerely,
Me.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Music + Love = My Life
My life as it currently is can be summed up in one word: unpredictable. This summer has been mostly like any other summer; staying busy with this and that, hanging out with friends on occasion, and of course, the infamous Texas humidity and heat. But this summer has also been very different; babysitting my sister's kid, participating in one of the most renowned operas, 'Carmen' and getting to do scenes from one of the greatest musical masterpieces, 'West Side Story'. But... there's been something else too. Something that I never saw coming. See, there's this guy who kind of makes me lose all control, makes me love him so much to the point of hating him, makes me want to be with him more than anyone I've ever known, and who makes me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. He is everything I could have ever wanted... but, we'll never be together. It's complicated.
I've always wondered what it would feel like to really, truly be in love with someone. Sure, I could easily tell you that I was in love with my first boyfriend, Mark, but somehow, that just doesn't seem right. Sure, I really liked him, and I was devastated when he broke my heart, but did I really love him? And then there was Travis. Yeah, I don't think that was really love either. And now... there's this guy. And we're not even IN a relationship! Like I said, it's complicated. I have thought a lot these past couple of weeks, about whether or not it's possible I could be in love with this guy. And I'm still not entirely sure. I have tried to convince myself that I am, but if I were to be completely and totally honest with myself, I don't know if I could say that I'm in love with him. Part of me is afraid to think that I might be in love with him. I mean, after all, we'll never be together, not in the way that I wish for and dream about. No, it will never happen. He's told me himself. And he likes another girl... Or at least, that's what he told me. Somehow, I'm not so sure if that's really the truth. Men are so hard to decipher. I can't understand them at all! This guy has either been lying to me about his feelings for me, or he is lying to himself about his feelings for me. Either way, someone is going to get hurt. And yet...
*(sigh)* I wish that Love came with a manual. It seems so complicated at times, and yet at other times it seems so simple. Funny how a lot of things in life are like that. Like music. It seems so simple! Just open your mouth and sing. But, since I started actually studying music in college, I've learned it's not always so simple as it seems. There's a lot of mechanics, both mentally, physically and emotionally, that go into singing and making music. It's the same with acting. People tell me, "Oh you make it look so easy! You seem so confident up there, so at ease!" HA! Yeah sure, I may LOOK confident and at ease, but on the inside my brain is going a million miles a minute, remembering notes, rhythms, words and counting every step of the way through the song. And with acting, it's DEFINITELY the same way. People tell me how confident I look when I'm on stage. I may LOOK confident, but my entire body starts shaking when I sing or get on stage. Love is very much the same way, I think. It seems easy, but in reality there's a lot more to it. There's so many mechanics of Love, and there's definitely a lot of behind-the-scenes work going on at all times for both the people in the relationship.
Wow... Sorry, I have NO idea where all of that came from just now. This is what I get for having no set sleep schedule; my brain starts thinking too much, especially at night when I'm TRYING to sleep. Grrrr... Anyway, opera rehearsals are going great. I am so excited for these shows! :-) And I'm excited to see how the rest of this summer is going to turn out. Somehow I have this feeling that it's going to be life-changing, in some way or another, for better or for worse. Well, I guess that's all for now, my dear readers. Sorry, not much to report on, but in case you haven't noticed I've been having A LOT of inspiration for my poems lately. Hmm... gee, I wonder why? ;-) hahaha! Well, good night, everyone! Ciao!
I've always wondered what it would feel like to really, truly be in love with someone. Sure, I could easily tell you that I was in love with my first boyfriend, Mark, but somehow, that just doesn't seem right. Sure, I really liked him, and I was devastated when he broke my heart, but did I really love him? And then there was Travis. Yeah, I don't think that was really love either. And now... there's this guy. And we're not even IN a relationship! Like I said, it's complicated. I have thought a lot these past couple of weeks, about whether or not it's possible I could be in love with this guy. And I'm still not entirely sure. I have tried to convince myself that I am, but if I were to be completely and totally honest with myself, I don't know if I could say that I'm in love with him. Part of me is afraid to think that I might be in love with him. I mean, after all, we'll never be together, not in the way that I wish for and dream about. No, it will never happen. He's told me himself. And he likes another girl... Or at least, that's what he told me. Somehow, I'm not so sure if that's really the truth. Men are so hard to decipher. I can't understand them at all! This guy has either been lying to me about his feelings for me, or he is lying to himself about his feelings for me. Either way, someone is going to get hurt. And yet...
*(sigh)* I wish that Love came with a manual. It seems so complicated at times, and yet at other times it seems so simple. Funny how a lot of things in life are like that. Like music. It seems so simple! Just open your mouth and sing. But, since I started actually studying music in college, I've learned it's not always so simple as it seems. There's a lot of mechanics, both mentally, physically and emotionally, that go into singing and making music. It's the same with acting. People tell me, "Oh you make it look so easy! You seem so confident up there, so at ease!" HA! Yeah sure, I may LOOK confident and at ease, but on the inside my brain is going a million miles a minute, remembering notes, rhythms, words and counting every step of the way through the song. And with acting, it's DEFINITELY the same way. People tell me how confident I look when I'm on stage. I may LOOK confident, but my entire body starts shaking when I sing or get on stage. Love is very much the same way, I think. It seems easy, but in reality there's a lot more to it. There's so many mechanics of Love, and there's definitely a lot of behind-the-scenes work going on at all times for both the people in the relationship.
Wow... Sorry, I have NO idea where all of that came from just now. This is what I get for having no set sleep schedule; my brain starts thinking too much, especially at night when I'm TRYING to sleep. Grrrr... Anyway, opera rehearsals are going great. I am so excited for these shows! :-) And I'm excited to see how the rest of this summer is going to turn out. Somehow I have this feeling that it's going to be life-changing, in some way or another, for better or for worse. Well, I guess that's all for now, my dear readers. Sorry, not much to report on, but in case you haven't noticed I've been having A LOT of inspiration for my poems lately. Hmm... gee, I wonder why? ;-) hahaha! Well, good night, everyone! Ciao!
As Long As You're Mine
One of my favorite songs from the amazing musical 'Wicked' and my absolute FAVORITE OF ALL TIMES love duet :-) enjoy!
Your Love Is My Drug ;-)
Hellz yeah! Freaking love Kesha! :-) enjoy! So... yeah... this is basically how I felt about Monday night after opera rehearsal... ;-) HA! You think I'm gonna tell you?! Nope! :-P Just gonna have to read my poems to figure it out!
Dark Whispers
Softly,
Gently,
Sweetly, you
Never miss a beat.
Words.
Words that form from
Nowhere
Tickle my skin,
Caress my body, and
Make me see fireworks.
Words.
Mere words.
Words that have incredible
Power.
Words.
Mere human words that have the ability to render me
Helpless,
Hopeless.
I am paralyzed by your
Words.
My mind has shut down,
Unable to process what is happening to my body.
I feel
Powerless,
Out of control,
Overwhelmed.
I feel as though I am
In an entirely different
Universe...
And you have made me this way with just a few
Words.
You.
You have made me unable to function,
To think,
To speak,
To act.
I am left with nothing.
You have stripped me of all thought, actions, words, any and
All sense of the world around me.
It is dark.
In the darkness, you whisper to me.
You say anything and everything.
You say words that
No
One
Has ever spoken to me before.
And because no one has ever
Spoken
These things to me before, they must all be
Lies.
Why would someone not tell me all these
Things
That you say about me, unless you are telling me
Lies?
Beautiful lies.
Lies that I have no choice but to listen to and
Believe.
I try to focus, try to comprehend, try to understand...
No use.
Your beautiful, beautiful lies have left me vulnerable.
I slip away to try and bring myself
Back;
I slip into my head, my thoughts, and try to
Process,
Understand...
I cannot.
It is now that my head, heart and conscious are all
Fighting;
My head tells me,
"Don't listen to him! He lies! It's all lies!"
My heart tells me,
"No, listen, he speaks the truth!" and
My conscious tells me,
"Girl, get the hell out of here. Now."
The red flags go up;
The sirens are screaming in my head,
The words flash in front of my eyes:
GET. OUT. NOW.
But...
I don't.
I listen to my head, and to my heart, but ignore my
Conscious
Completely.
So, I compromise:
Listen, but don't believe.
And yet, I want to believe.
I want to believe all the things you are saying to me are
Truth.
That the whispers are true.
That they aren't lies.
I listen to your voice, your sweet, beautiful
Voice.
The voice that charms me with its music and
Words.
That voice that leaves me breathless, and causes me to hang on
Your
Every
Word.
And I hate you for it.
I hate you, and your beautiful lies.
Your beautiful voice.
Your hands that hold me, caress me,
Touch me.
Your hands that bring me to life, and your voice that
Disarms me completely.
I hate you for it all.
I...
I...
I love you so much that I hate you.
You stir up a fire inside of me that I didn't even know
Existed.
You cause me to lose control.
You make me want you in a way I never dreamed of.
And when I'm with you,
When I'm in your arms, and
When I kiss your lips...
For the first time,
I feel...
WICKED.
Gently,
Sweetly, you
Never miss a beat.
Words.
Words that form from
Nowhere
Tickle my skin,
Caress my body, and
Make me see fireworks.
Words.
Mere words.
Words that have incredible
Power.
Words.
Mere human words that have the ability to render me
Helpless,
Hopeless.
I am paralyzed by your
Words.
My mind has shut down,
Unable to process what is happening to my body.
I feel
Powerless,
Out of control,
Overwhelmed.
I feel as though I am
In an entirely different
Universe...
And you have made me this way with just a few
Words.
You.
You have made me unable to function,
To think,
To speak,
To act.
I am left with nothing.
You have stripped me of all thought, actions, words, any and
All sense of the world around me.
It is dark.
In the darkness, you whisper to me.
You say anything and everything.
You say words that
No
One
Has ever spoken to me before.
And because no one has ever
Spoken
These things to me before, they must all be
Lies.
Why would someone not tell me all these
Things
That you say about me, unless you are telling me
Lies?
Beautiful lies.
Lies that I have no choice but to listen to and
Believe.
I try to focus, try to comprehend, try to understand...
No use.
Your beautiful, beautiful lies have left me vulnerable.
I slip away to try and bring myself
Back;
I slip into my head, my thoughts, and try to
Process,
Understand...
I cannot.
It is now that my head, heart and conscious are all
Fighting;
My head tells me,
"Don't listen to him! He lies! It's all lies!"
My heart tells me,
"No, listen, he speaks the truth!" and
My conscious tells me,
"Girl, get the hell out of here. Now."
The red flags go up;
The sirens are screaming in my head,
The words flash in front of my eyes:
GET. OUT. NOW.
But...
I don't.
I listen to my head, and to my heart, but ignore my
Conscious
Completely.
So, I compromise:
Listen, but don't believe.
And yet, I want to believe.
I want to believe all the things you are saying to me are
Truth.
That the whispers are true.
That they aren't lies.
I listen to your voice, your sweet, beautiful
Voice.
The voice that charms me with its music and
Words.
That voice that leaves me breathless, and causes me to hang on
Your
Every
Word.
And I hate you for it.
I hate you, and your beautiful lies.
Your beautiful voice.
Your hands that hold me, caress me,
Touch me.
Your hands that bring me to life, and your voice that
Disarms me completely.
I hate you for it all.
I...
I...
I love you so much that I hate you.
You stir up a fire inside of me that I didn't even know
Existed.
You cause me to lose control.
You make me want you in a way I never dreamed of.
And when I'm with you,
When I'm in your arms, and
When I kiss your lips...
For the first time,
I feel...
WICKED.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Sunday, June 12, 2011
An Engineer's Guide to Cats
HAHAHA!!! :-D OMG! these guys are HILARIOUS!!! I love them! and I think you will too! if you love cats, you will love these guys and their cats :-) enjoy!
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Wanting
To the one I want. You know who you are.
Wanting.
I want you.
I want to be with you, and the look in your
Eyes
Tells me that you want to be with
Me
Too.
I see it there, your eyes tell me the
Truth;
Even if your mouth lies,
Even if your words speak falsely.
I want you.
I want to feel your arms around me
Always.
I want to taste your kiss on my lips
Always.
I want to breathe in the scent of you
Always.
I want you.
Why is it that I always want the one person that I
Can't
Have?
Why does my heart beat faster when
You're around?
Why do I dream of the day when you will
Want
Me as much as I want
You?
Why do I want the one guy who has rejected me,
But
Reject the guy that loves me?
Why do I continue to give my
Heart
Away to the one who doesn't
Want it?
The most painful thing in the world is
Watching
The one you love,
Love someone
Else.
The greatest sorrow is knowing you will
Never
Have the one you
Want.
And the hardest reality is knowing
He
Will
Never
Be
Mine.
And yet...
I continue to play the game.
I continue to wish, and dream and
Hope
That someday, someday,
You will return my love, my feelings,
My desires.
And yet...
Somewhere, deep in my heart,
I know you
Never
Will.
I know you will never love me,
I know you will never return my feelings or
Desires.
I know all of this.
And yet...
The greatest mystery in the world:
Why do we love the ones that reject us,
And reject the ones that love us?
The most agonizing pain is knowing
The one you want the most will
Never
Be
Yours.
The most gut-wrenching feeling is being hopelessly in
Love,
And having to watch them walk away to go
Love
Someone else.
And the hardest words to be told are:
"You're not my type"
"It would never work between us"
"I never wanted you like that"
Wanting.
I want you.
I want what I cannot have.
I want what will never be mine.
We can play pretend all we want, but
In
Truth,
We both know that we are only
Fooling
Ourselves.
We pretend, we make believe, we act.
But it's not real.
We both know that.
If it was real, you would want me as I
Want
You.
If it was real, we wouldn't play pretend.
We wouldn't act as though nothing is
Wrong.
We wouldn't fake the smile, the laugh.
We would be real, honest.
We wouldn't need to pretend.
But we do pretend.
And we enjoy every minute of it.
I want you.
You know this...
And yet,
You do not want me.
It will never be.
I can wish upon every star,
And you will never love me.
You will never be with me.
What happens when you're my Prince Charming,
But I'm not your Cinderella?
I want you.
You say it will never be.
And still, I will continue to want you.
You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see,
But
You cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to
Feel.
Wanting.
I want you.
I want to be with you, and the look in your
Eyes
Tells me that you want to be with
Me
Too.
I see it there, your eyes tell me the
Truth;
Even if your mouth lies,
Even if your words speak falsely.
I want you.
I want to feel your arms around me
Always.
I want to taste your kiss on my lips
Always.
I want to breathe in the scent of you
Always.
I want you.
Why is it that I always want the one person that I
Can't
Have?
Why does my heart beat faster when
You're around?
Why do I dream of the day when you will
Want
Me as much as I want
You?
Why do I want the one guy who has rejected me,
But
Reject the guy that loves me?
Why do I continue to give my
Heart
Away to the one who doesn't
Want it?
The most painful thing in the world is
Watching
The one you love,
Love someone
Else.
The greatest sorrow is knowing you will
Never
Have the one you
Want.
And the hardest reality is knowing
He
Will
Never
Be
Mine.
And yet...
I continue to play the game.
I continue to wish, and dream and
Hope
That someday, someday,
You will return my love, my feelings,
My desires.
And yet...
Somewhere, deep in my heart,
I know you
Never
Will.
I know you will never love me,
I know you will never return my feelings or
Desires.
I know all of this.
And yet...
The greatest mystery in the world:
Why do we love the ones that reject us,
And reject the ones that love us?
The most agonizing pain is knowing
The one you want the most will
Never
Be
Yours.
The most gut-wrenching feeling is being hopelessly in
Love,
And having to watch them walk away to go
Love
Someone else.
And the hardest words to be told are:
"You're not my type"
"It would never work between us"
"I never wanted you like that"
Wanting.
I want you.
I want what I cannot have.
I want what will never be mine.
We can play pretend all we want, but
In
Truth,
We both know that we are only
Fooling
Ourselves.
We pretend, we make believe, we act.
But it's not real.
We both know that.
If it was real, you would want me as I
Want
You.
If it was real, we wouldn't play pretend.
We wouldn't act as though nothing is
Wrong.
We wouldn't fake the smile, the laugh.
We would be real, honest.
We wouldn't need to pretend.
But we do pretend.
And we enjoy every minute of it.
I want you.
You know this...
And yet,
You do not want me.
It will never be.
I can wish upon every star,
And you will never love me.
You will never be with me.
What happens when you're my Prince Charming,
But I'm not your Cinderella?
I want you.
You say it will never be.
And still, I will continue to want you.
You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see,
But
You cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to
Feel.
Quotes
I felt like looking up quotes today. enjoy.
“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.” ~ Neil Gaiman
“Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself fully. When you dare to be vulnerable." ~ Dr. Joyce Brothers
"You know than when I hate you, it is because I love you to the point of passion that unhinges my soul." ~ Julie de Lespinasse
"There is sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief... and unspeakable love." ~ Washington Irving
“The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story. It changes the relationship of two people much more strongly than even the final surrender; because this kiss has within it that surrender." ~ Emil Ludwig
"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." ~ Friedrich Nietzsche
"I am good, but not an angel. I do sin, but I am not the devil. I am just a small girl in a big world trying to find someone to love." ~ Marilyn Monroe
"It is every woman's dream to be some man's dream woman." - Barbra Streisand
"You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly." ~ Sam Keen
"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." ~ Dr. Seuss
"... but there comes a time when you've got to decide whether you want to be a fool among fools, or a fool alone." ~ Barbra Streisand from 'Hello, Dolly!'
“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.” ~ Neil Gaiman
“Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself fully. When you dare to be vulnerable." ~ Dr. Joyce Brothers
"You know than when I hate you, it is because I love you to the point of passion that unhinges my soul." ~ Julie de Lespinasse
"There is sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief... and unspeakable love." ~ Washington Irving
“The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story. It changes the relationship of two people much more strongly than even the final surrender; because this kiss has within it that surrender." ~ Emil Ludwig
"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." ~ Friedrich Nietzsche
"I am good, but not an angel. I do sin, but I am not the devil. I am just a small girl in a big world trying to find someone to love." ~ Marilyn Monroe
"It is every woman's dream to be some man's dream woman." - Barbra Streisand
"You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly." ~ Sam Keen
"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." ~ Dr. Seuss
"... but there comes a time when you've got to decide whether you want to be a fool among fools, or a fool alone." ~ Barbra Streisand from 'Hello, Dolly!'
You Belong With Me
Why is it that I ALWAYS want the one guy that I CANNOT have? And why is it that we love the ones that reject us and reject the ones that love us? Love is a strange thing.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Curiosity killed the cat...
So... I'm curious. How many people actually read my blog? Even if no one reads this, I'm still going to be posting more entries, just because it helps me. But, I am curious about how many people read my blog, if any. So, here's what I'm purposing. If you read this blog, please post a comment with the following information:
1. Your name (I want to know who my dear readers are by name. makes it more personal I think)
2. Your age (wondering what the age range is of people who read my blog)
3. Where you're from (curious about where my readers live, whether here in the U.S. or another country)
4. What you like about my blog (just wondering)
and 5. Anything else you want to add :-)
1. Your name (I want to know who my dear readers are by name. makes it more personal I think)
2. Your age (wondering what the age range is of people who read my blog)
3. Where you're from (curious about where my readers live, whether here in the U.S. or another country)
4. What you like about my blog (just wondering)
and 5. Anything else you want to add :-)
Thursday, June 2, 2011
This Little Light of Mine and Before The Morning
So, life has been hard. My dad hasn't had a job since November, my mom is working full-time but not making a lot of money, and I've been riding an emotional roller coaster for a while now because of everything that's happened to me and my family this Spring. For a while, my spiritual life has been nonexistent. It started with just not reading my Bible daily, or at all, then it became not ever praying, then it turned into not wanting to go to church, which progressed into not wanting anything to do with Christianity, which then grew into bad behavior, behavior that was completely out of character for me, and then it turned into dealing with a new "addiction" which has lead to me fighting a new battle. Now, thanks to God, I've come back home and I'm ready to fight the good fight. Sure, I've still got some problems I'm trying to work out, and I'm still not all the way back to where I once was, but with God's grace, forgiveness, mercy and love, I am getting better, one step at a time. Anyway, I was listening to a couple songs tonight and they really encouraged me. Maybe you're at where I am right now too, and if you are, I want to share these songs with you :-) the first song is by a band called Addison Road, and the second one is by a guy named Josh Wilson. Enjoy :-)
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