Love The Way You Lie

Been listening to this song a lot lately. Maybe it's because Eminem is such a great rapper. Maybe it's because I love Rihanna. Or... maybe it's because it's how I've been feeling lately. It's funny; you can be on top of the world one moment, but then you come crashing back down to reality... and the fall is fast, hard and it hurts like hell. And yet... you can't help but go back for more, and more and more, even though you know you're only going to get hurt in the end. Ah yes, I believe that would be the definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results. So, it would appear to be that I really am insane. I keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result, a different outcome. These are my favorite lyrics of this song:

"Just gonna stand there and watch me burn, but that's alright because I like the way it hurts. Just gonna stand there and hear me cry, but that's alright because I love the way you lie. I love the way you lie." 

Maybe I like being lied to. It sure seems that way lately. My friend, Hannah, asked me the other day, "Erin, what are you getting yourself into, girl?" to which I replied, "Whatever the hell I want to get myself into." It's sad to think that this is who I've become; the girl who doesn't care what she gets herself into, as long as she gets what she wants. These past couple weeks, my world seems to be spiraling out of control; dad has no job, mom is working full time but it's still not enough, I'm trying to work as much as I can but it never seems to help. Work is driving me crazy, and babysitting Caleb is making me tense, on edge and unable to relax. Opera rehearsals are intense, long and often discouraging. So, when you find that one thing that makes you happy, that one thing that makes you forget about your problems, even if just for an hour, you don't want to give it up. In fact, the more chaotic my life gets, the more I cling to this one thing. Because it's the only thing I have that makes me feel secure and safe. I know that's selfish, but I think it's okay to be selfish once in a while. Still, the one thing I cling to is hurting me. I'm sticking my hand in the fire, over and over again... and I like it.

You really are just standing there and watching me burn, but I do like the way it hurts. You really are just standing there, hearing me cry, but I do love the way you lie. I do. Those pretty little lies...